Deployment Checklists

Pre-Deployment:

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• Go on a family getaway/vacation prior to deployment and take lots of photos/video
• ­ Talk about needs (e.g. bills, mechanic, insurance, etc.)
• ­ Make a list with payment dates for bills or set up automatic payments through your bank
• ­ Ensure bills/accounts are in both spouses’ names
• ­ Prepare preaddressed envelopes and postcards
• ­ Discuss powers of attorney, wills, and other potential financial/legal issues
• ­ Focus on quality time together before deployment, not just future deployment issues
• ­ Create memory moments before departure and take lots of pictures
• ­ Don’t wall yourself off before deployment
• ­ Read books on tape for the children to listen to during the deployment
• ­ Video him doing stuff so that young children can watch it while he’s deployed
• ­ Prepare paper link chains for kids to see amount of time left
• ­ Talk to your children about the upcoming separation
• ­ Don’t dwell on the upcoming deployment (i.e. don’t deploy before you deploy!)
• ­ Get children together with the kids from other deploying families
• ­ Get training on internet communication (e.g. webcams, IM, etc.)
• ­ Have a special weekend for the children to prepare them as a group
• ­ Drop other regular commitments to devote more time to the family
• ­ Purchase the Elmo deployment video at Wal-Mart for young children
• ­ Take pre-deployment leave and focus on the family
• ­ Make family time a priority
• ­ Don’t over-discuss the actual deployment, especially with children
• ­ Prepare a deployment communication kit containing things like paper, envelopes, stamps, pens, etc.
• ­ Take each child out for a special date or away for a weekend
• ­ Hide birthday and other cards around the house for children to find during the deployment
• ­ Make a special photo album and/or video for each child
• ­ Begin discussing and preparing for the challenges of redeployment. Anticipate some level of friction and mental separation prior to deployment.
• ­ Establish a healthy mentor relationship with other couples who have significant deployment experience
• ­ Leave pre-written notes for each family member
• ­ Focus as much or more on spouse as the children
• ­ Attend a marriage conference/seminar or couples retreat

During deployment:

• ­ Snail mail better and more personal than e-mail (in some cases)
• ­ Write verbatim what young children want to say to their deployed parent
• ­ Have packages from dad already prepared for the children to open mid-deployment or on special occasions. Hide them for added fun!
• ­ Let each child have an individual communication time with deployed parent (not just pass the phone around)
• ­ Non-deployed parent needs to spend individual time with each child (especially teens) to let them talk
• ­ Don’t totally avoid difficult topics (problems at home or school, etc.), but be careful to not over emphasize issues
• ­ Send family videos (meal time, playtime, etc.) to deployed parent
• ­ Be informative, not just platitudes and pleasantries
• ­ Send notes and artwork from children
• ­ Use instant messaging (IM) and webcams
• ­ Send video tapes to the children, if possible
• ­ Write down daily activities and send journal every week or two to keep him up to date
• ­ Have children get together with other children who have a deployed parent
• ­ Plan a regular potluck or other get-together with families affected by deployment
• ­ Avoid TV news if possible (especially with children)
• ­ Record and send an audio cassette or CD
• ­ Send care packages put together by the entire family
• ­ Work through studies/devotions/books with deployed spouse
• ­ Send flowers to the non-deployed spouse
• ­ Prepare and mail a journal to your wife and children
• ­ Synchronize prayer time and/or work through the same daily devotional
• ­ Record a DVD during a special family trip and send it to deployed member
• ­ Send lots of digital pictures (save them in lower resolutions)
• ­ Send items that can be passed out to children/families (e.g. balls, children’s shoes, etc.) in theater
• ­ Discuss potential redeployment issues and try to make an agreement/plan on how to manage issues (i.e. an ounce of prevention)
• ­ Build-a-Bear with a recorded message from deploying parent
• ­ Carefully select times to contact deployed spouse. Some late night or early morning calls can be counterproductive.
• ­ Remaining spouse should arrange for some personal time away from the children (e.g. “Mother’s Day Out” programs, occasional babysitter, etc.) to help relieve stress

Post-deployment:

• ­ If you have children, schedule time alone together within the first couple of weeks after return
• ­ Allow time alone (personal time)
• ­ Don’t rush - allow time to readjust
• ­ Plan a warm reception
• ­ Be patient even though you may feel disconnected (3-6 months or longer)
• ­ Be gentle and tender
• ­ Don’t take it personally if the returning spouse is different
• ­ Share stories of good and bad times
• ­ Listen, but don’t push. Allow them to talk whenever they’re willing
• ­ Embrace the ways both spouses (and the children) have changed
• ­ Neither spouse should expect an immediate return to the predeployment state (i.e. “normal”)
• ­ Be prepared to begin relinquishing control of family matters
• ­ Fantasy vs. reality – Don’t expect to return to some ideal (and possibly imagined) pre-deployment relationship
• ­ Date your wife
• ­ “Date” your children (individually)
• ­ Take time off to spend with family (e.g. family vacation, etc.)
• ­ Be gentle, but don’t try to unnecessarily “protect” the spouse. Tell the truth.
• ­ Manage your expectations, don’t let them manage you. Talk about them
• ­ Talk about and be prepared for changing roles
• ­ When redeploying, be careful to not try to immediately jump in too quickly to solve problems, discipline the children, etc.
• ­ Pray together!
• ­ Be especially gentle with the children and allow them to talk
• ­ Attend a marriage conference together
• ­ Know your limits and where to draw boundaries. A tough deployment is not an excuse for poor behavior.
• ­ Respect the decisions that were made by the stay-behind spouse, don’t second-guess or criticize
• ­ Seek help/counseling early to keep conflicts from spiraling out of control
• ­ Start or join a small group study with other military couples
• ­ Be flexible
• ­ Lower your expectations to avoid unnecessary disappointment
• ­ Keep extended family and friends at a distance for awhile