Deployment Checklists

Pre-Deployment:

• Go on a family getaway/vacation prior to deployment and take lots of photos/video
• Talk about needs (e.g. bills, mechanic, insurance, etc.)
• Make a list with payment dates for bills or set up automatic payments through your bank
• Ensure bills/accounts are in both spouses’ names
• Prepare preaddressed envelopes and postcards
• Discuss powers of attorney, wills, and other potential financial/legal issues
• Focus on quality time together before deployment, not just future deployment issues
• Create memory moments before departure and take lots of pictures
• Don’t wall yourself off before deployment
• Read books on tape for the children to listen to during the deployment
• Video him doing stuff so that young children can watch it while he’s deployed
• Prepare paper link chains for kids to see amount of time left
• Talk to your children about the upcoming separation
• Don’t dwell on the upcoming deployment (i.e. don’t deploy before you deploy!)
• Get children together with the kids from other deploying families
• Get training on internet communication (e.g. webcams, IM, etc.)
• Have a special weekend for the children to prepare them as a group
• Drop other regular commitments to devote more time to the family
• Purchase the Elmo deployment video at Wal-Mart for young children
• Take pre-deployment leave and focus on the family
• Make family time a priority
• Don’t over-discuss the actual deployment, especially with children
• Prepare a deployment communication kit containing things like paper, envelopes, stamps, pens, etc.
• Take each child out for a special date or away for a weekend
• Hide birthday and other cards around the house for children to find during the deployment
• Make a special photo album and/or video for each child
• Begin discussing and preparing for the challenges of redeployment. Anticipate some level of friction and mental separation prior to deployment.
• Establish a healthy mentor relationship with other couples who have significant deployment experience
• Leave pre-written notes for each family member
• Focus as much or more on spouse as the children
• Attend a marriage conference/seminar or couples retreat

During deployment:

• Snail mail better and more personal than e-mail (in some cases)
• Write verbatim what young children want to say to their deployed parent
• Have packages from dad already prepared for the children to open mid-deployment or on special occasions. Hide them for added fun!
• Let each child have an individual communication time with deployed parent (not just pass the phone around)
• Non-deployed parent needs to spend individual time with each child (especially teens) to let them talk
• Don’t totally avoid difficult topics (problems at home or school, etc.), but be careful to not over emphasize issues
• Send family videos (meal time, playtime, etc.) to deployed parent
• Be informative, not just platitudes and pleasantries
• Send notes and artwork from children
• Use instant messaging (IM) and webcams
• Send video tapes to the children, if possible
• Write down daily activities and send journal every week or two to keep him up to date
• Have children get together with other children who have a deployed parent
• Plan a regular potluck or other get-together with families affected by deployment
• Avoid TV news if possible (especially with children)
• Record and send an audio cassette or CD
• Send care packages put together by the entire family
• Work through studies/devotions/books with deployed spouse
• Send flowers to the non-deployed spouse
• Prepare and mail a journal to your wife and children
• Synchronize prayer time and/or work through the same daily devotional
• Record a DVD during a special family trip and send it to deployed member
• Send lots of digital pictures (save them in lower resolutions)
• Send items that can be passed out to children/families (e.g. balls, children’s shoes, etc.) in theater
• Discuss potential redeployment issues and try to make an agreement/plan on how to manage issues (i.e. an ounce of prevention)
• Build-a-Bear with a recorded message from deploying parent
• Carefully select times to contact deployed spouse. Some late night or early morning calls can be counterproductive.
• Remaining spouse should arrange for some personal time away from the children (e.g. “Mother’s Day Out” programs, occasional babysitter, etc.) to help relieve stress

Post-deployment:

• If you have children, schedule time alone together within the first couple of weeks after return
• Allow time alone (personal time)
• Don’t rush - allow time to readjust
• Plan a warm reception
• Be patient even though you may feel disconnected (3-6 months or longer)
• Be gentle and tender
• Don’t take it personally if the returning spouse is different
• Share stories of good and bad times
• Listen, but don’t push. Allow them to talk whenever they’re willing
• Embrace the ways both spouses (and the children) have changed
• Neither spouse should expect an immediate return to the predeployment state (i.e. “normal”)
• Be prepared to begin relinquishing control of family matters
• Fantasy vs. reality – Don’t expect to return to some ideal (and possibly imagined) pre-deployment relationship
• Date your wife
• “Date” your children (individually)
• Take time off to spend with family (e.g. family vacation, etc.)
• Be gentle, but don’t try to unnecessarily “protect” the spouse. Tell the truth.
• Manage your expectations, don’t let them manage you. Talk about them
• Talk about and be prepared for changing roles
• When redeploying, be careful to not try to immediately jump in too quickly to solve problems, discipline the children, etc.
• Pray together!
• Be especially gentle with the children and allow them to talk
• Attend a marriage conference together
• Know your limits and where to draw boundaries. A tough deployment is not an excuse for poor behavior.
• Respect the decisions that were made by the stay-behind spouse, don’t second-guess or criticize
• Seek help/counseling early to keep conflicts from spiraling out of control
• Start or join a small group study with other military couples
• Be flexible
• Lower your expectations to avoid unnecessary disappointment